Hidden Thoughts
by Queen-Suka
Summary: These are the thoughts that two totally different people have. What happens when they meet up one night? Do they confess to each other or does everything just fall apart for them both? New chapter now up.
1. Harry's world

Summary: Harry is up late one night, righting out his thoughts that he never tells anyone, those thoughts he keeps to himself.

Authors note: Ok ok, so its dark. I was depressed while writing this fic. Please, if your going to review, make it constructive and tell me how I can improve, seeing as this is my first upload in a very long time, since I only just got back into writing seriously.

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or Drago Malfoy or anything associated with J.K. Rowlings Harry Potter. I came up with the story, based on the quote which starts off the fic, but I can't remember where exactly I got it. If it is yours please tell me and I will give you due credit.

You asked what was wrong and I said "Nothing.", the I turned around and whispered "Everything.".

_Always hiding myself from everyone and everything. It's better that way. The world has too much pain in it as it is. _

_I am the savior, the one everyone depends on in hard times. The only one to survive a terrible curse. That somehow makes me special, though I'm just like everyone else. Fragile_.

Harry Potter stopped writing and looked around the dark dormitory. Everyone was asleep, Ron was even snoring loudly and mumbling about something random. Harry checked his watch which was magicked to work on the grounds of Hogwarts. 2:03AM

Harry sighed softly and returned to his writing in his very private journal, not even Ron or Hermione knew of it and his feelings contained there in.

_I'm not special in any way. I survived this long due to dumb luck and the help of those around me. Though it seems that they only help me for their own selfish needs. No one wants to die in this grim world we live in. _

_The one who doesn't treat me like that. Those cold stormy silver eyes, the hate in those eyes. How I crave to see those eyes on me all the time. Those eyes who seem me for what I am. Just a lonely person, who was somehow able to survive one of the darkest wizards of all time. Even that wouldn't have been possible without the sacrifice my parents made._

Harry smiled, his eyes taking on a new light. Sadness. He was sure no one was awake to see him as he moved the sleeve of his pajama shirt up, exposing his pale wrist, the moonlight making his ghostly pale skin glow brightly, thin white scars standing out amongst the paleness of his flesh. A haunting smile came to his face as he remembered the pain and the ecstasy that came to him as he drew that silver blade slowly down his wrist, only to do it again right next to it.

The crimson torrents of blood that flowed, like little rivers only to stop at the end of his arm and drop onto the bathroom floor, drop after drop. The sound deafening in his ears, the silence of the bathroom magnifying every sound made in that large room. _Drip, drip, drip, drop._

Those eyes. Staring at me, at my arm. What I had done. I remember I laughed. Said something in my delusion. He slapped my face, the sting. It only added to the pleasure, the pain…

He treated me like the filth, the dirt that I am. That time he found me in the bathroom, large self inflicted gashes in my arm. He hurt me, yelled at me. Called me selfish. I laughed and told him he really didn't care. "Leave me here to die." I think I said. He slapped me again, the stormy eyes filled with rage. With… More emotion then I though he could possess in those eyes. The windows to his soul.

"_Potter get your ass up and stop being such a selfish prick. Killing yourself wont prove anything!" He said to me in a low voice, he shook me roughly, like trying to knock some sense into me. All I remember before I blanked out. _

Harry ran his fingers down the pale white scars, his face falling blank. His eyes no longer held light in them, they became dark as his mood hand sunk in his reminiscing. He put his quill down in the middle of his book and shut it, only to shove it under the bed. He put the lid on his ink pot and placed it on his bedside table before sinking deep into the comfy sheets of his bed.

The fingers of his right hand ran over something cool and solid and he smiled, another haunting smile as it was dark. He took the handle into his hand and moved it up out of the sheets and held it in front of his face, the cool silver shining brightly in the pale moonlight as he moved the blade in his hands slowly. It comforted him and soon he fell asleep, the dagger hidden under his sheets carefully before he fell into the darkness of sleep.


	2. Draco's World

Hidden thoughts. Chapter 2.

Authors Note: Well, I realized after I put up the last chapters that I left in mistakes! XD Sorry guys, also I'm sorry that this has taken a while. I'm a bit of a slow writer because I take my time on lots of stories at one time, only updating them in small amounts. So, sorry! -;; Hope you enjoy this new chapter.

Disclaimer: See chapter 1.

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The one person I wanted to see through this cold mask, the one I wanted to save me. He couldn't see. I treated him so badly, the mask worn proudly on my face. Wouldn't care if he hated me.

_Why couldn't he see? I tried so hard to show him that I can care, that I could be human, that I'm not as cold as my father. I thought that by finding him the way he was and telling him he was selfish and to get up and live would have showed him, I guess the mask has finally taken over my whole personality. Maybe I am lost to everyone forever. _

Stormy silver eyes looked up from his journal only to stare at the end of a wand near by that had the end of it lit. The green curtains were pulled around the four-poster bed that Draco Malfoy sat on so as no one in the dorm room would know he was awake even if they looked around in the dark dormitory.

_Those emerald green eyes used to be full of happiness and joy, now they are dull and full of pain. What he must have had to endure, loosing his parents at a young age, having the weight of the world on his shoulders? I wish I could make him forget. I wish I could take back all the horrible things I did, but when he rejected me…it hurt._

Tears welled up in the white blondes eyes and slowly fell down his cheeks. "No…I said I wouldn't cry anymore…" Draco sighed and placed his quill back above the journal and read over what he had written so far. He sighed and started to write in his neat cursive writing again.

_I guess I didn't help him any by fighting with him and making fun of him all those times. Sadly I had to, I wish I could tell him, show him what I am really like. Show him the true Draco Malfoy... If it exists anymore. _

_I don't want to be known as a Death eater's son anymore. I don't want to join the dark lord, but I'm afraid that it will be out of my hands; I can't go to him for help. He wouldn't believe me. He would think I would be spying for the dark lord, and I don't blame him with the way I have acted. _

"Bloody hell, I'm writing in circles…" Draco mumbled and shook his head. He sighed and placed his quill on his bedside table. He sealed his inkpot and journal and shoved them under his pillow before lying down and staring at the top of his hangings that were just visible in the light of his wand. He hummed some random song to himself, which he once heard walking through muggle London as he let his thoughts wander to Emerald green eyes, messy jet black hair and that lightning shaped scar which was a constant reminder of Harry Potter's past and destiny.


	3. One moonlit night

Hidden thoughts Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or anything affiliated with it, just this story plot.

Authors note: I apologize for taking so long with this chapter, but I kept hitting a lot of blanks, as you can probably tell with a lot of the boring parts. I hope you enjoy it though. 3

Draco was walking down the halls of the third floor of Hogwarts. It was the middle of the night so the halls were empty apart from Filch, Ms. Norris and the occasional ghost. Draco was silent as a ghost as he walked along, used to being out at night due to his acute insomnia he had gained from when he found Harry attempting to commit suicide in the bathroom a few weeks previously. He sighed softly and walked through a large beam of moonlight coming in through a high glass window and his platinum blonde hair flashed brightly and his eyes glowed eerily. If anyone had been around to see it, they would have thought that Draco was magical, not just a wizard but had something else in him that made him especially beautiful.

Draco's stormy grey eyes looked around the corridor slowly, taking in all the dark shadows and the barely visible artifacts that where in the halls. After dark was his favourite time to wander the halls of Hogwarts because of the mysteriousness and darkness to it. Suddenly he heard foot steps behind him and silently he made his way over to the closest door and entered it as quietly as he could, leaving the door open slightly so he could hear when who ever it was had passed.

"That better not be a student out after curfew…" Came a drawling voice. It was Snape. There was a soft moan in the room he was hiding in and he looked out the door to see if Snape had heard then rushed into the room to see who had made the noise. To his horror he saw Harry, leaning back against a wall, a silver dagger covered in his blood held tightly in his right hand. The blood was pouring too quickly from Harry's wrist and panic rose within Draco. He looked back at the door and bit his lip hard hoping that Snape wouldn't look in the bathroom and spy him with Harry, not with the way he was. Draco drew his wand and moved towards Harry trying to remember the healing spell he was taught.

It was then that Harry decided to look up, and he saw Malfoy and his eyes widened looking at his drawn wand. After a moment of them staring at each other Harry whispered a soft, "Do it… I don't care anymore." His normally bright eyes were becoming dull from blood loss and they were unfocused like he might not have truly been there in his mind, like he was on drugs or something, not that Malfoy would know anything about muggle drugs. Surprise and horror were visible in Draco's stormy grey eyes but Harry was too fucked up right then to notice it. Draco moved his wand towards Harry's wrists and murmured the only healing spell he knew. Harry's wrists slowly patched up so they were just a few scratches, bleeding slowly only a few drops at a time now falling from those pale wrists.

"Oh, I get it. You want to see me suffer before I die? Right Malfoy?" Harry laughed deliriously, it getting louder and louder. Draco cursed and placed his hand over Harry's mouth the keep him quiet but it was too late. It seemed Snape had heard him. "Shit." He whispered and looked around quickly trying to find some way of moving Harry before they were both noticed until he saw Harry's invisibility cloak next to him. Draco threw it over the both of them before Snape walked into the bathroom. Draco kept his hand plastered over Harry's mouth the keep him from making any noise as he watched Snape walk around the room.

"Did I just hear laughter? If I catch you I won't hesitate to get you expelled." There was a smirk on Snape's face, his greasy black hair curtaining his face only just barely hiding it. Snape walked around the room a few more times, his smirk slowly fading into a rather large frown. "Hmph. I will get you…I swear it." Snape turned around his cloak billowing out behind him as he left the bathroom. When Draco was sure he was gone he let go of Harry's mouth and looked at him as he threw off the invisibility cloak.

Harry stared up at Draco with his clouded emerald eyes, which had disbelief swirling in them. "Since when do you help me Malfoy?" There was bitterness in his slurred voice. Pain made itself visible in Draco's storm grey eyes as he stared at Harry. His voice and his face remained blank though, which was why Harry wasn't picking up on what Draco was doing or felt. "Since now." Draco slapped Harry's cheek hard, the sound echoing around the third floor boy's bathroom. Harry's hand jerked up to his cheek to rub it gently as the pain coursed through his body from the force of that one slap. "What the hell do you think your doing to yourself? You think ending it will make it all better? Sure you're the Boy Who Fucking Lived, but what about the people who are closest to you? Don't you care at all?" Draco glared at Harry and at some point he had shoved Harry roughly against the bathroom wall, knocking the wind out of him and causing him to hit his head against the cold hard bricks. Tears stung at Draco's eyes as he watched how pathetic his Harry looked in front of him.

"Since when do you care about anyone but yourself Malfoy? You come in here and act all helpful, even save me from the detention and what ever else Snape could have done and for what? Perhaps you're just waiting for the right moment to take me to Voldemort. Honestly I really don't care anymore. I'm sick of being the one everyone depends on to get them out of this war! Let him come and let him kill me. I wont resist him anymore." Tears were falling freely down Harry's cheeks after his loud outburst at Draco. "Go on, take me to him. I'm not afraid to die…" He whispered after a moment's silence.

Tears fell down Draco's pale cheeks forming glistening trails. "You of all people. I thought I could show you. Didn't you see?" Draco slumped into a pathetic looking heap against the cold stonewall of the bathroom, his head tilted forwards with his long blonde hair falling in his face, curtaining it so it couldn't be seen by Harry.

Harry turned his head and looked at the other boy, memories from the last time Draco had found him when he was trying to kill himself. He sighed softly and looked down at his wrists, which were scabbing now, wondering if maybe the Draco he was seeing was the real Draco Malfoy.

"I didn't understand why you stopped me the last time…" Harry started in a whisper. "I thought you only wanted me to suffer more, keep me alive to prolong the amount of suffering I went through before I was pushed in front of Voldemort, only to be killed by him. You win, then the world is taken over by Voldemort." Harry's eyes were closing slowly then opening again as if he was fighting sleep. He still didn't entirely trust Draco and didn't want to fall asleep, especially when he didn't know what Draco would do with him while he slept.

A bittersweet smile came to Draco's hidden face. His stormy grey eyes were dark as if he was holding back something dark. Like a memory. "I wanted everyone to think of me that way, so as I could fool Lucius into thinking I was the son he intended me to be so as he wouldn't torture me. I tried many times to show everyone…Show you I'm not like him. I didn't know who to go to, who to trust. So I guess I pushed everyone away from me more then I meant to." Draco sighed softly and tilted his head back so it was resting against the cool stone. His hair moved out of his face and the pale moonlight shone across his face, making his stormy grey eyes stand out suddenly. "I'm sorry for doing that now, but I was afraid he would kill me." Fear was visible in his eyes and could be heard in his voice.

Harry looked at Draco at hearing the fear and wondered if this was an act, not really trusting the boy, but if it was real, he was amazed at the honesty that Draco was showing him right now. He stared at him with sleepy curiosity. "Even if that's the case it doesn't excuse you from the things you did. Even as an act it still caused a great deal of pain for many people who wont easily forgive you. Right now I don't really trust you but I am willing to give you a chance. You blow it and I wont help you… No matter what will happen to you." Harry's dark emerald green stared at Draco as if looking for any signs the boy was lying.

Draco looked into Harry's eyes, surprise written on his face. He couldn't believe that Harry was so easily going to help him. "But why? Even you yourself said I have caused a great deal of grief all these years…" Draco asked in a whisper, still in shock at Harry's words. "Even I don't know why…" Harry said softly and slowly started to stand up. "Tomorrow I'll take you to Dumbledore." Harry finished speaking and slumped back against the wall, to tired to keep him standing for long. "He will know how to help you." Harry mumbled and blanked out, falling asleep.

Draco cursed under his breath and stood up. He conjured a stretcher and placed Harry on it then draped the invisibility cloak over him. He magiced the stretcher along, his hand on I so he knew where it was as he went along out of the bathroom and out into the corridors taking Harry to his private room. Once there he pulled the cloak off the stretcher and moved Harry onto his bed making sure he was all right before closing the hangings around the bed. "Sorry Harry, but I know you wouldn't have wanted to go to the hospital wing." Draco mumbled as he walked over to his couch by the fire and slumped into it tiredly. Draco soon fell into the warm darkness as sleep took him away into the world of dreams.


	4. Awkward

Harry woke up in an unfamiliar room. He couldn't't see out of the hangings, which were shut around him, making it semi dark except for a few slivers of light coming through the curtains. He sat up quickly and groaned when his head spun. "Damnit…" he mumbled and pulled back the hangings, the bright light of the morning sun blinding him momentarily.

"Harry?" A soft voice called when he muttered under his breath. He blinked a few times; trying to clear his vision then squinted noticing he couldn't't see, his glasses were taken off. "Where are my glasses?" He asked the dark shape in front of him then watched it move to the bedside table then come closer to him, placing them on his face gently. His vision cleared so it was almost back to normal apart from the bright light. "Are you alright…?" Draco asked him softly and the memories from the previous night flooded Harry's mind.

"Yeah, just fine. What's the time?" He asked distractedly, trying to remember what day it was. "Breakfast is about to end, you don't have to worry though because it's Saturday." Draco mumbled softly and looked over Harry quickly, trying to get a glimpse of his wrists to see if they were all right after the previous night. Harry noticed Draco's prying eyes and hid his wrists under his sleeves, his hands becoming invisible under them. "I'm not that hungry anyways." Harry mumbled, avoiding looking Draco in the eyes.

"Alright… You'll probably want to go and talk to Weasley and Granger anyway to let them know that you're alright since you didn't return to the tower last night." Draco said while standing up and stretching out, heading over to his on suite bathroom.

"I doubt they are worried. Its not the first time I haven't returned to the tower at night." Harry said in a distracted tone of voice. He shifted so his feet hit the cold stone floor and he cursed lightly as it sent a shiver through his whole body. His head was still kind of pounding from the night before. It was then that he also noticed that Draco had called his so called friends by their last names rather then the stupid nick names he had made up for them. He looked in the direction of the bathroom and raised an eyebrow.

"I guess you can stay here then for as long as you like. I can imagine you would still have a headache after… Last night." He faltered slightly as she turned the tap on to splash some water on his face, to wake himself up more since he hadn't gotten a decent nights sleep with caring for Harry and listening to him talk in his sleep about his dreams.

He looked in the mirror to see Harry was looking in his direction, giving him a peculiar look, almost as if he had sprouted two heads. "I can see you, you know." He said softly back to Harry as he picked up a towel and wiped his face dry.

Harry immediately tore his eyes from Draco's back and pulled himself back into the warm sheets of the bed, feeling slightly comforted by being there rather then shivering with cold. "Its hard to believe that you are talking to me, in an almost friendly… No… Kind manner. Sorry." He mumbled and curled up on his side in the bed, looking the opposite direction to the bathroom.

Draco gave a small laugh that sounded like the tinkling of little bells, though there was a hint of emotion behind it. "Just like I'd never have imagined you to be the type to try and escape from the world." He said quietly as he walked back out into his room, sitting at the armchair that was next to the bed, facing Harry.

Draco couldn't help himself. He reached out slowly and brushed some of Harry's stray messy hair out of his deep emerald green eyes. Harry jerked back, not from shock, more from the fact that his hands were freezing. "So cold…" He mumbled softly, completely ignoring Draco's last sentence.

"Oh… Yeah. My hands are always cold, even on the warmest days. Sorry." He said while looking down at his pale hands. "I rarely touch anyone so I don't really think about it." He pulled his hands into the long sleeves of his silk pajamas then rested them in his lap while he bent up his knees.

"Well you know what they say… Cold hands, warm heart." Harry said softly, though he still was coming to terms with the fact that he was in Draco's bed, having a normal conversation rather then trying to hex his brains out.

"I've never heard anyone say that before." Draco said, an amused smile appearing on his perfect pale face. "Oh, it's a muggle saying." Harry replied thoughtfully, peering at Draco over the covers on the bed that he was snuggled into.

"It is?" Draco asked curiously, having never heard any muggle sayings before, having been brought up around wizards his whole life. Even so he seemed to bear no prejudice against the muggles that his family were so traditionally against.

"Mhm… I guess we all wear our masks perfectly… Huh?" Harry said, almost sounding sleepy. Draco stared down at the ground in front of his chair, a thoughtful expression on his face. "I guess we do." He agreed, his voice barely above a whisper. "I'm sorry… Malfoy." Harry said softly before drifting into a light sleep again.

"Its alright, Harry." He said softly before standing up again to take advantage of the time to have a shower and tidy himself up.

Lunchtime came soon enough and Draco decided to drag himself out of his room and leave Harry to sleep off his headaches. He left a note on the bed stand so as Harry wouldn't panic if he woke up alone.

Draco sat down at the end of the Slytherin table and began to eat, enjoying the blissful silence until it was interrupted. "What have you done with him?" Came a shrill but quiet voice. Draco didn't even need to look up to know that Granger and Wesley were hanging over him. "I have done nothing Granger, you don't even have proof that he is with me. In fact I can't see Potter anyways. Since when did you become his baby sitter?" He asked in a bored tone although provoking both of the inseparable pair wasn't the best thing for him to do at this stage.

"We know he's with you. You probably gave him to the dark lord, since you idolise him so much. We will find out what you have done to him. Other wise why else hasn't he shown up yet?" Ron sneered, looking down his freckly nose at Draco.

"You do that, now can I please enjoy my lunch in silence?" He said, brushing them off abruptly by looking up at the pair, no malice showing in his eyes, but yet again the emotion was missed. The pair walked back to the Gryffindor table looking rather miffed indeed. "So much for them not worrying." Draco mumbled to himself, sneaking some food into a bag he brought with him in case Harry got hungry when he went back to his room.

"Oooh Drakey poo! Those Gryffindorks annoying you again?" Came a sickly sweet voice and Draco had to try not to groan out loud. "No Pansy… Its nothing." He said almost ignoring the girl who was coming on way to strong. The girl clamped her arms around Draco's neck tightly. Draco's eyebrow twitched slightly. "Let go of me Parkinson." He growled, switching to using her last name to emphasize his annoyance. "But Drakey poo…" She whined looking into his eyes with a pout. A sight that made him feel physically ill.

"I'm going back to my room. Don't follow me, and no, I don't want you to come visit at all." He said suddenly, picking up his bag, shoving Pansy off him back on to the chair before storming off back towards his room, looking all huffy. "What's his problem?" Pansy asked, looking a little bewildered.

Draco walked into his room, refraining from slamming the door in case Harry was still asleep. "Stupid bitch." Draco muttered under his breath, setting his back down on the armchair.

"Who's a stupid bitch?" Came a soft voice from under the many blankets on the bed near by. A head popped up out of it, the jet-black hair sticking up in more directions then usual and bright green eyes were staring at Draco partially unfocused due to a lack of glasses.

"I see you're awake, and I meant Parkinson." He rolled his eyes and moved over to his discarded back, pulling at the chicken sandwiches he snuck out of the great hall for Harry and handed them to him. "Weasley and Granger also asked me about. I think they thought I kidnapped you or something." Draco shrugged and moved some long blonde strands of hair from his eyes as he sat down on the armchair.

Draco watched Harry hungrily eat the chicken sandwiches. "I'll go back to the tower then." Harry said around a mouthful of food, spraying crumbs all over Draco's nice green silk bed cover.

Draco gave an exasperated look and shook his head. He got his wand and used a spell to clean up the mess. "Its rude to speak with your mouthful, I'll let it slide this time Potter."

"Whatcha gonna do 'bout it?" He asked, a grin appearing on his face as he spoke again around a mouthful of food, getting more mess everywhere. He watched Draco get up and move over to the bed, jumping on top of him. Draco pinned Harry's hands above his head and grabbed the sandwiches, forcing Harry to take smaller bites while refraining from letting him talk. "That's what I am going to do." He said, a triumphant look on his face. He had only just now realized how small Harry really was.

He was quite bony despite the amounts of food he ate at Hogwarts, but he was also just a little taller then the other boy. Draco realized he had been staring at Harry for quite a while before he jerked back slightly, finished feeding Harry his sandwiches then climbed off him to sit beside him on the bed, a faint blush on his cheeks.

Harry watched Draco curiously, a frown gracing his slightly pale face. "I suppose I had better go now before Hermione and Ron go and see Dumbledore about me being missing." Harry said, climbing out of the bed and gathering his things.

"Sure…" Draco mumbled looking out the window ff to the side of his room. "Uh… Don't hesitate to come back… Harry." Draco said in a quiet voice, avoiding looking at Harry at all.

Harry stopped what he was doing and looked back at Draco with a slightly surprised expression before he began gathering his things again, finding his invisibility cloak last. "Thanks Malfoy…" He said softly as he put on his cloak, disappearing from view. The door to the room opened and closed easily, meaning Harry had already left. "I wonder if he would even bother." Malfoy said in a quiet tone, continuing to stare out the near by window.

Both boys forgot one thing entirely... To go and see Dumbledore.

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Okay, this chapter isn't that great.. But its something at least. Right? I hope it amuses you some until I finally get around to putting up a new chapter. 


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